on family

the topic of family has always been been multi-edged for me. how do i balance a fluid/flexible/inclusive/non-nuclear definition of family while also acknowledging that there are real things that blood relations could provide you that no one else can? for example, blood relations are meant to be the ones who raise you, who grow up with you, who see you grow up, who contribute to your development, acknowledge your existence, be the first people who embrace you in this world and teach you what to expect from the world. we all need community, and a blood related family is a natural, pre-scribed, community.

and yet, what happens when that pre-scribed community is not one that supports you nor teaches you that you are loved and worthy? for some of us, that pre-scribed community was so toxic that we had to leave.

as we head in to the holidays, a time where family typically gets together, my mind is on family. who is my family? who is my community? it certainly is not my blood relations.

i am learning that for many people, those with blood families and those without, you grow up and establish your own family and community. you may still be connected to your blood relations, but you create your own community and family. which one is more central to each person? for me, it has become this newly-scribed, newly created family and community, that is central to my life. today, that's okay with me. i often yearn for those blood ties, but I am learning that one can do pretty well without. thank you to those who are in my new family and community (you know who you are). for helping me live in to a new legacy.