on family

the topic of family has always been been multi-edged for me. how do i balance a fluid/flexible/inclusive/non-nuclear definition of family while also acknowledging that there are real things that blood relations could provide you that no one else can? for example, blood relations are meant to be the ones who raise you, who grow up with you, who see you grow up, who contribute to your development, acknowledge your existence, be the first people who embrace you in this world and teach you what to expect from the world. we all need community, and a blood related family is a natural, pre-scribed, community.

and yet, what happens when that pre-scribed community is not one that supports you nor teaches you that you are loved and worthy? for some of us, that pre-scribed community was so toxic that we had to leave.

as we head in to the holidays, a time where family typically gets together, my mind is on family. who is my family? who is my community? it certainly is not my blood relations.

i am learning that for many people, those with blood families and those without, you grow up and establish your own family and community. you may still be connected to your blood relations, but you create your own community and family. which one is more central to each person? for me, it has become this newly-scribed, newly created family and community, that is central to my life. today, that's okay with me. i often yearn for those blood ties, but I am learning that one can do pretty well without. thank you to those who are in my new family and community (you know who you are). for helping me live in to a new legacy.

naming it makes a difference

What a relief to finally have a name, a phrase, for what I'm going through: Vicarious Traumatization!!!!

"Vicarious trauma is the process of change that happens because you care about the people you serve. Over time, this can lead to changes in your psychologocial, physical, and spiritual life that also affect your family, your organization, and your patients/clients." Peralman, L.A. & McKay, L (2008). Understanding and addressing vicarious trauma. www.heading-institute.org

I have had a rough time this semester, my first semester as an MSW/PhD student, and everything I've read about Vicarious Trauma today has resonated with me. I thought it was just me, dealing with my own trauma, but I'm learning now that it's also me, feeling other's traumas. Oh the ironies of empathy and being emotionally attuned. At least now I can pave the way towards greater self-care and health...

about violence

"The master's tools will never bring down the master's house." - Audre Lorde

We will never end violence and oppression by using violence and oppression. Paulo Freire warned us that "during the initial stage of the struggle, the oppressed, instead of striving for liberation, tend to themselves become oppressors, or 'sub-oppressors.' The very structure of their thought has been conditioned by the contradictions of the concrete, existential situation by which they are shaped" (Pedagogy of the Oppressed). We need to enact alternative ways of being with each other. Being the one to break the cycle of violence is a huge burden to carry, but worth it for our own integrity and humanity.

The most violent thing that has ever happened to me is that my parents did not love me. I looked in their eyes and they did not look back at ME. They did not see my humanity. They denied it. It was this DENIAL OF MY HUMANITY that was so painful, not the acts of physical or sexual abuse. It was this denial of my humanity that allowed them to abuse me - it was the precursor and prerequisite for their abuse.

This is why the violence by police officers at Occupy Cal is SO disturbing and painful for me to watch. In what ways are the police officers denying the humanity of the protesters? In what ways are the protesters denying the humanity of the officers?

DAILY, we are condoning and enacting violence on one another by merely disregarding our own and another person's humanity. The part of us that turns away when we see a person asking for spare change is the same part of us that can beat another person. It is all a continuum - any of us (give or take a few), given a different environment, background, or experience, could become violent. And thus, any of us (give or take a few), given a different environment, background or experience can become loving.

We CAN stop the violence. We MUST. Our hearts and our souls demand it.

principles for community action

with the occupy movement nearing its 2 month hold, and images of occupy cal include policy brutality and intimidation, it's made me think on and reflect on these "principles for community action" that I developed specifically for anti-trafficking work. I do see many of these principles translating into principles that can be applied anywhere and everywhere for any social issue:

1. Tell the Truth: Instead of dispelling myths, let's talk about the truths.
2. Desensationalize: Don't make an issue what it's not.
3. Use a Language of Liberation: reclaim the vocabulary used to describe the people who experience injustice
4. Tell the Truth...again...Tell Stories of Freedom: Survivors of any experience need models for living outside of a previously harmful experience. don't just talk about the horrors one has overcome but take a social worker's strengths based approach and talk about the stories of success. AND, don't make success so idyllic. Living in freedom can be hard.
5. Use Pedastals for Statues, not Survivors: Enough said? Survivors and the people who overcome sever hardships are regular people too. Putting them on pedastals separates them from you and they have already experienced that separation and alienation from their perpetrator/oppressor.
6. Leave a Legacy: How are you going to sustain yourself? Survivors/the oppressed cannot be the fuel for do-gooders who are not sure why they are in this work. You need to be motivated by your own purpose.
7. Peace is in the Pain: Allow people to express pain AND anger about what has happened. If we grieve and express our anger, we can work to achieve what is possible, instead of try to undo/redo/revenge what has already past.

More on each of these later! I'm literally falling asleep while typing!

transitions

with much encouragement from a good friend (thanks, Michael R!), I am going to post to my blog more frequently. i just started graduate school and finding that I need an outlet for my thoughts, process and ideas that is somewhat informal, yet shared with others. I have a lot on my mind that I want to write about, but I keep telling myself - oh wait until you are ready to publish that. well you know what...that might be awhile, so here I go. into the world of blogging just one step deeper.

my work is changing. I am seeing myself as a philosopher, thinker, lover, future mother, counselor, teacher, friend....I never imagined this could be so. I had my last official anti-trafficking speaking engagement a couple weeks ago at the Free Speech Movement cafe. Lots of my fellow MSW students came out (thanks, Class of 2013) and I spoke from a different space than usual. Nikki Junker, a fellow survivor and founder of With More than Purpose was here and taht was the first panel I was on with another survivor. It was SO great to have her there. Two young women finding our way in the world of freedom.

One thing I'm learning is that I have reached a "done" point with having my story be the focal point of my presentations/speaking engagements. I want to be known for something else. I turned out a HUGE offer to speak at a national anti-human trafficking conference this Spring. I don't regret it.

my work is changing. and yet it's the same. it's about life, love, and justice.

more to come on:
Principles of Community Action
Grief and Rage

2011 Trafficking Victims Protection Reauthorization Act

Sign the petition on Change.org today to ask Congress to reauthorize the 2011 Trafficking Victims Protection Reauthorization Act! Your signature can make a difference in the lives of human trafficking victims. [http://ht.ly/6rX92]

From Domination to Creativity

This is my new favorite title for my presentations. I've been changing them up of course...adapting with feedback and changes in my style. In summary, Slavery = Domination, Freedom = Creativity.

I had a great presentation at NDNU tonight! Though it took a little while to get there with all that traffick - sheesh! I had no idea! It was back to back from the Bay Bridge until SFO. But once I arrived I was greeted very warmly. Thanks to all the attendees and to Audrey for arranging my visit!

new journeys

as you can see, I've been neglecting this blog quite a bit. i'm a bit unsure of how I want to go about it. so...i'll keep on it for now as i have been...I'll post when I can post.

i have a few events coming up...

Notre Dame de Namur in Belmont, CA on September 22

Not Here Conference/Bates College in Lewiston, Maine on September 30 and October 1

UC Berkeley Free Speech Movement Cafe on October 25

i'm also going to see Julia Sher at this event on Friday:

Julian Sher, investigative journalist and author of Somebody's Daughter: The Hidden Story of America's Prostituted Children and the Battle to Save Them. The discussion will focus on his book and findings after intense research into the epidemic of teenage prostitution - Commercially and Sexually Exploited Minors (CSEC). Sher will be joined at the event by Alameda County Chief Probation Officer David Muhammad, with a special performance by youth from With Our Words, Inc.

• About 1.7 million youth run away from home every year in America; one in three children who run are lured into prostitution within 48 hours of leaving home.
• The average age at which girls first become victims of prostitution is 12 to 14 years old.
• In 2003, the Oakland Police Department identified 293 minors being prostituted by at least 155 pimps over a 1.5 year time period.
• Since January 2011, the Alameda County District Attorney's Office has identified over 123 cases of minors involved in CSEC activity.

California Transparency in Supply Chains Act

"On October 18th, 2010, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger signed Senate Bill 657, titled “California Transparency in Supply Chains Act of 2010.”

By January 2012, major manufacturers and retailers within the state of California must fully disclose the efforts made to ensure their products have not been tainted by slavery or forced labor at any point within the supply chain.

In an attempt at complete transparency, these companies will be required to post their policies on their own websites, allowing consumers to see for themselves if their purchases are slavery-free.

The California law isn’t only a step forward in the fight against human trafficking; it sets an example for the rest of the nation and the world to follow.

Most importantly the bill gives you, the consumer, the choice and power to be a part of the solution."

http://thecnnfreedomproject.blogs.cnn.com/2011/04/05/how-california-fights-trafficking/

CSU Channel Islands!

I'm having a great time so far presenting at Cal State Channel Islands. First of all, the campus and region is BEAUTIFUL. I could not believe I was driving to a college campus as I passed by huge stretches of farm land, the Topa Topa Mountains to my left, and the ocean to my right. Just REMARKABLE.

I want to thank Dr. Sunghee Choi and Pilar Pacheco for inviting me to come to CSUCI. I've presented in a Sociology of Gender and Sexuality course and a Sociology of Social Problems course. Both classes were engaged and participatory - I love that! One more Sociology of Gender presentation and a documentary screening tonight, and I'm heading home tomorrow.

Here's a great reflection one of the students wrote to me yesterday: "Saying that 'just because your story is so extreme, others then to think their story is less severe, or less important, and you don’t want that to happen' made me feel like my own experience with child abuse, is very real and valid. I have a lot to think about. Thanks for sparking that within me."

I love it. That's what I hope to have happen.

Onward.

Japan

We might assume that everyone knows about Japan, but just imagine...if you are enslaved in a brothel, your home, or anywhere else, you might not be concerned with or have access to news!

As we talk about and think about supporting Japan in the aftermath of the earthquake, remember that times of crisis are perfect for predators.

Find out about Polaris Project's work to raise concern about sexual exploitation at evacuation centers:

"Less than a week after the worst natural disaster in Japan’s history, Polaris Project Japan staff and fellows began to conduct outreach and to raise awareness on preventing sexual violence at the sites of earthquake evacuation centers. Shihoko was concerned because there was already a report of a girl who was molested on her way to the bathroom at the evacuation center in Ofunato City. In response, the city began to post prevention warnings:

Polaris Project Japan’s outreach was also prompted by lessons learned from the sexual violence reported immediately after the Kobe earthquake in 1995. Outreach and prevention activities include distributing posters and cards in collaboration with shelter managers and local medical staff at evacuation centers. Click here to support this effort!"

Law and Order SVU Episode on Trafficking

And my Law and Order: SVU addiction continues...Last night, I saw a great episode about DOMESTIC child trafficking!!!! They emphasized that U.S. born CHILDREN are being exploited. They showed that children are literally shackled up like slaves, starved, drugged, beaten, raped. They also showed how parents sell their kids - sometimes "unknowingly," many times intentionally.

It was painful and refreshing to see parts of my awful past on tv. Thanks to all the abolitionists out there.

Slavery still exists!!! People, it's 2011!!!! Are you as enraged as I am?!

Pass the Safe Harbor Act in Minnesota!

Hey Everyone,

All around the nation, anti-traffficking activists are working to pass the Safe Harbor Act. This ensures that children who are sexually exploited are NOT treated as criminals, but victims. Right now, our laws are contradictory! It is considered statutory rape for someone over 18 to have sex with someone 18 and under. At the same time, "prostitution", at whatever age, is criminal. So...how can we say that a girl who is "prostituting" is not actually being PROSTITUTED, i.e. victimized and RAPED!?

Minnesota is working to pass the Bill now. Please call your legislators!

"Minnesota House Bill 556 would explicitly define sexually-exploited youth as children in need of protection and services, require the Commissioner of Public Safety to develop a statewide service model for this vulnerable population, and increase penalties for those who purchase children for sex. This bill will have its first hearing in the Public Safety and Crime Prevention Policy and Finance Committee in the House of Representatives on Wednesday, March 9.

House Bill 556 would explicitly define sexually-exploited youth as children in need of protection and services, ensure that these youth are not categorized as juvenile delinquents, require the Commissioner of Public Safety develop a statewide model to serve sexually-exploited youth or youth at risk of sexual exploitation, defines “prostitute” as only those over 18 (2014), and increases penalties for those who purchase children for sex."

http://www.polarisproject.org/take-action/advocate/402-urge-minnesota-legislators-to-support-safe-harbor-for-sexually-exploited-youth

News on American Apparel

I have never been a fan of American Apparel's ads, but I chopped it up to being a survivor - my body being put up for sale and oogling. I thought - there has to be a way to appreciate and respect the female body - share it, show it as I might want to - and not been seen as a sexual deviant, "slut", "whore", "asking for it." Puritanism with sex and the body is not the way to go either...and yet...hear's a reason why American Apparel's ads might not be of the healthy variety:

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2011/03/08/american-apparel-founder-forced-teen-staffer-sex-slave-lawsuit-claims/?cmpid=cmty_fb_Gigya_American_Apparel_Founder_Forced_Teen_Staffer_Into_Sex_Slavery,_Lawsuit_Claims

Conference Against Trafficking in Jan 2012 & Upcoming Events

Hey All,

Sorry for the long hiatus of posts. February got a little hectic and but I wanted to let you know about some upcoming presentations I'm giving! It's going to be a busy month!

March 30, 12:45-2pm @ UC Berkeley Boalt School of Law

March 31, 7-8:30pm @ Macalester College, Markhim Hall

April 6, 5-7pm @ UC Berkeley Multicultural Center

April 9, 1-3pm @ UC Davis Global Healthy Conference

April 9, 5-8pm @ Freedom House Benefit Dinner

April 13-14 @ Cal State Channel Islands

Also, check this out:

4th Annual Northwest Conference Against Trafficking and Film Festival

January 9-16, 2012 in Portland, Oregon

www.NWCAT.org

February 1: Free From Slavery Day in Sacramento

Tue, February 1, 9am – 12pm

In recognition of Pres. Obama's declaration of January 2011 being National Slavery and Human Trafficking Prevention Month, and declaring February 1st California’s Free From Slavery Day, Assemblyman Tim Donnelly is hosting an informational event at the State Capitol for legislators, legislative staff, and the public to learn more about how to get involved. Please email: info@californiaagainstslavery.org, for updates and details.http://californiaagainstslavery.org/events/

Lost in the system: When the sexually abused are not believed or supported Continue reading on Examiner.com: Lost in the system: When the sexually ab

What would you do if a child told you that he or she had been sexually abused?

For many children who dare to tell of sexual violations against them, the result is disbelief, especially if the accused abuser is a family member or a "respectable" adult within the family circle. Sometimes, the telling in itself has dire consequences for the child with punishment from the confidante to shunning by other family members to serious physical harm from the abuser. Many children will never divulge these incidences because they have been threatened by the assaulter with danger to themselves or others if they ever say anything.

Continue reading on Examiner.com: Lost in the system: When the sexually abused are not believed or supported - National sex trafficking | Examiner.com http://www.examiner.com/sex-trafficking-in-national/lost-the-system-when-the-sexually-abused-are-not-believed-or-supported#ixzz1Bablmp9x

Lingering thoughts

I presented tonight at the Urban Teacher Leadership Program at Cal State East Bay's Oakland campus. (Thanks, Chris, for inviting me!) It was a small and intimate group and I am glad I joined them in their exploration of trauma and what educators can do about it. Some questions still lingering for me that I want to share...

- What is the impact of masses of people walking around in the world with shame?

- How have we come to hold so many secrets about our lives and our selves?

- Why do we live in so much fear?

- What role can an adult outside of a child's birth family play in their overall development?

- Should the role of educator be strictly defined? Should educators see themselves as responsible for the youth the serve? To what level of responsibility?

- I stated that we can't compare trauma and yet I called a car accident a "smaller" trauma than child abuse. How do we put trauma on a continuum without comparing or dichotomizing?

Human Trafficking Bill in TX

Read about a Human Trafficking Bill introduced to the Texas legislature last November. IT increases penalties for trafficking children:

http://www.legis.state.tx.us/BillLookup/Text.aspx?LegSess=82R&Bill=SB98

National Global Human Trafficking Awareness Day

Indie on Air, Planet LA Records and bands coast to coast present "The Abolitionist Tour: Road to Austin 2011" to raise awareness for the Not For Sale campaign's global efforts to combat human trafficking, slave, indentured and child labor. Bands AnnAMercury, Big Kettledrum, David Martinez Band...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNU98pTqXds

Concerts to raise money and awareness for human trafficking

Support Global Aid Concerts: http://globalaidconcert2012.com/

"Our mission is to partner with human trafficking organisations throughout the world to plan, promote and realise at least five major global concerts in 2012 to fight human trafficking.

We draw on the goodwill, dedication, and efforts of volunteers worldwide.

We welcome all who wish to be a part of our team. For us, there is but one agenda,
the freedom for all victims of human trafficking."

Tuesday 1/11 is National Human Trafficking Awareness Day

Tuesday, January 11th is National Human Trafficking Awareness Day. I urge everyone to consider what ONE action you can take today to support survivors of human trafficking.

Here are some ideas:

1. Visit http://humantrafficking.change.org/ to find out about current campaigns and issues around the Nation.

2. Find a volunteer opportunity in your area to support survivors.

3. Talk to a friend or family member about human trafficking.

4. Donate to an organization. Here are some of my favorites:

- Bay Area Women Against Rape: www.bawar.org

- Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network: www.rainn.org

- Polaris Project: www.polarisproject.org

- California Against Slavery: www.californiaagainstslavery.org

5. Contact your congressperson and ask them to support policies that increase services for victims/survivors of human trafficking: http://www.usa.gov/Contact/Elected.shtml